Wednesday, November 21, 2012

My Son My Friend

I'm not myself, I'll never be me, Without you here, And me not there, The pain makes me tear, The fear makes me sear, No answers to WHY, As my time ticks by, Memories are dear, But I need you near, That dream I did see, Eats me to my core, Where I fall to the darkness, Consumed in all the bleakness, Never NO REST, Like a prisoner, I'm trapped in my mind, Your frozen in time, I'm not that strong, You gave me strength, I can't hold on, All of my days I'm left with a curse, No life for you to build, No lavender fields, It just can't be real. My son, My friend, The darkest deepest side of life begins, No way did I know your end was so near, The whistle sounds, Prayer began, No text your ok, Unanswered call, Voice mail full, Silence fell, Broken by the ring, Those cries echo, More praying, So long a ride there, Over the bridge flashing red lights, As I ran I was grabbed, Held back from you I was, Spoken words, He is dead, He is dead, He is dead, Skipping like an old record, My gravity did fall, Crushing my heart, Screaming rang out in the night air, No escape, Torture began, Agony and pain, Never so alone have I felt, Those words do repeat, You Always Come, I Knew You Would Come, Oh I did come my son, I pray you do know, My heart and soul holds our love, So much more I have to give, Oceans I do cry, Never to surface from under the waves, A season begins, Depression sets in, Never to end to my end.


  1. Oh dear Lara, I think of you daily and send up prayers for comfort. He knew you were there and he knew that you loved him unconditionally as only a mother can. Words will never heal the heartache but I hope that you will find a sense of peace from all those who care about you. I can't imagine your anguish but my heart breaks for you and your pain. Time may lessen the heart wrenching pain but I'm sure that seems impossible to you right now.
    He knew!

  2. Lara.....may you find some comfort in the days ahead......We keep them warm and safe tucked away in our hearts.......Can`t imagine the heartache you feel, just know your in our thoughts and prayers.......Hugs Francine.

  3. My heart breaks as I read this post. I think of you often and the pain that you are going through. I pray for you.
    Your son knew.

  4. Lara, My heart goes out to you my friend. I think of you often, especially when I look at my dollies you made for me. Time will heal you. Your son would want the best for you. Seek comfort in knowing that he would not want you to be broken. When you're able, pick up and go on in his name. Cook those good homemade meals the two of you enjoyed, and do the things that you love and know that made him happy. He'll be with you.

  5. I know this takes time to begin to heal. Just know that as much as you love him...he loved you.He is with you every day. Knowing he is with you will give you strength and solace.

  6. There is not one day that goes by that I don't check your blog to see if you have written anything. I am so afraid I won't say the right words. Lara please get some help. Your words are so desperate and I know that I have no way to know the awful pain you are feeling but I am reading the awful pain in your words and truly hope you have a friend. Somebody close to you who is willing to give you their time. If not call a hotline and start talking to somebody. That is what I did. I had nobody during a time of great disaster in my life so I called a hotline and talked to somebody almost everyday. It took awhile but I slowly started to come back to life. Please consider talking to somebody. Your readers love you and are so sad you are having to go through this.

  7. lara, please know so many friends and readers are thinking of you and prayers you will be more at peace. Listen to the Primitive Seamtress, lara, accept help from friends or seek help from someone. This pain is too big to suffer alone. Please allow someone in. In My thoughts. Hedy

  8. Dear Lara, my deepest sorrow is with you. -Steph-

  9. Lara, I am praying for you everyday.
    I cried when I read this recent post. I know you are hurting so bad inside,and I am sure you cry everyday............Please know that I am here for you at anytime.
    If you go to my blog you can see my email on the side and you can contact me that way and leave your phone number there and lets talk.
    You NEED your friends here to hold you up and you NEED to talk if it is everyday 7 times a day, you NEED to cry and laugh about your beautiful, loving, son, he would want you to laugh and remember all the GREAT times you both had.
    I believe our loved ones are with us everyday and they see everything.
    Just reading about your son and what a speical
    bond you both had and you both were also Best friends,you are so BLESSED that you had that amazing connection with him. Alot of parents don't have that with their teenager's today.
    I feel blessed that I do have that with my 2 sons.
    We on blogland are prayer warriors and we are all in your corner and we(I) will help you through this and hold you up.
    Please contact me.
    Here is my email, I am just going to give it to you
    I am praying for you my dear friend,
    Big Hugs and Lots of Love,
    Tricia XO

  10. So sorry for your loss prayers are with you and your family..

  11. Dear Lara...we can all feel your pain and I, personally, feel so, so helpless. I wish there was something I could do for you.
    I can say that your dear son will always be by your side, little comfort I know, but you will be together again one day...BUT...only when the time is right. Your work on Earth is not done yet...
    With my love and thoughts to you...
    Karen xx

  12. Dearest Lara,
    I ache so much with you. Please know I share your pain though I've never met you. It's a bad dream you can not wake from. Please know I think of you so often.
    Love, Bernadine

  13. I just read the sweet comments you left on my blog and thought I'd check in.... I'm horrified for your loss! I can't imagine what emptiness you are feeling.... May you trust Jesus through every step of healing and may He give you hope of eternity with no tears through his redeeming grace! I will be praying for you.