Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Paint Samples

These were my painted wood samples using paint color Guord EB274 Eddie Bauer Home Valspar sample purchased at Lowes. One base coat of black to one sample and the other one base coat of brown allowed to dry. Each sample was coated with color gourd two coats. A light rubbing of heavy grit sandpaper around edges and scuffed here and there. Each sample was rubbed with a soft cloth soaked with Minwax Wood Sheen rubbing oil stain & finish until the desired color was reached. Rockie took me to Lowes for more wood sheen and paint samples last week. They told us they no longer sold the wood sheen oil based. We found water based wood sheen at walmart. Using the same sample paint as before but in colors Pear Eddied Bauer EB14-3 & Churchhill Hotel Navajo White. Sanded and rubbed with oil based or water based Wood Sheen. I liked sample D best but we need to find the oil base wood sheen. Picked up a roll of Allen Roth Paintable bead board wall paper at Lowes to use inside the open cabinets. Now to make the color decisions final have the wall paper put up and supplies gathered and someone to do the work. Reapinted a few small items for some change after Rockie removed them for me and later put them back up. Basket Before Basket After This next idea I got from Homespun Happenings Blog. Thanks Tammy. This gave our fans a fresh new look. I have been following Tammy's kitchen makeover. I'm sure you all would like it to. For now the paint samples and small projects has been all I have been able to get done. Each day continues to be a struggle for me. Sleep comes uneasily when it dose come I have been having nightmares and waking to my own screams. The nightmares started last Feb. and continued off and on til my sons death and have now returned over the past three weeks. There are some other situations adding to my stress or I should really say someone. Some days I need to shut the world away and just escape to my bedroom to rest or just sleep. Laken is working & Sam is still in public school. The school part is a little up in the air right now. Sam has been having problems since returning to public school. I was asked to make a decision soon as to continue with public school or return to school at home by the school guidance counselor. His grades have went real low from high in 2 subjects and going low in 2 other subjects. Thanks for keeping my family and I lifted in prayer. Blessings Til Next Time! Lara This was a project Lucas and I had started but never finished. I got it out of the shop thinking I could find a way to use it in the kitchen makeover. I have an idea already.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Seven Months

Long seven months be, Pain to much to bare, Unending shed tears, Can hardly move, Heart still beats, Part of me has died, Questions never fade, Questions beg the answers, Unlock the silence, Set the answers free, Holder of the key. Sunday 2/10/13 marked the seventh month since my son was killed. I still don't have the answers to many of my questions. Silence has been kept by those who could answer but they either say they don't know or they can't remember. I continue to write how I fill in a journal. The two survivors 18 and over. I have gotten to read some of the statement's given to the police. After reading I found that what I felt in my heart all along was right.. What I was told by one of the survivors dose not match there statement to the police. My son took those two up to the dead driver's home after the girl threatened my son with "she would take his key's and drive her X boyfriend up there. The girl was dating my son and the boy was her X boyfriend. They were there no more than 5 minutes before the X boyfriend got into an argument with the boy who was the driver that was dating my daughter over him & my daughter not giving him a ride earlier in the day to get to the drivers house where the X had been crashing. An argument over my daughter not having enough gas in her car to come pick him up started this all. I was told the X said "I'm out of here and threatened to kill himself. This X had already threatened to kill himself two other times because he couldn't get the girl back and just wanted to be with his best friend who had been killed 4 years ago. Another girl had found the X on a bridge threatening to jump from the bridge on to the Pa turnpike. She talked him down and days later he did it again and the driver who was dating my daughter talked him down that time. I find this all out after my sons death. I was told after the X went out the door my son realized this girl was gone. She went after her X then my son went after her. The driver then went after them all in my daughters car. When my daughter came out of the bathroom the drivers brother was the only one there other than the mother who told the cop she was asleep until she was awakened by the drivers (her son) brother asking for keys to go look for everyone. My daughter and the drivers brother left to look for the others after a text from another girl who knew my son was taking his girlfriend and the X to the drivers home after she heard there was an accident on a monitor. They were stopped at a road block. The brother an under age driver left my daughter there to go get his mother out of bed. My daughter was asked to give information to the emergency crew. She saw her brothers girlfriend and her X removed from the car and loaded in helicopters. She was told her brother and boyfriend were still moving. They lied to her. When I got there the cop held me back from going to my son. I was told he and the driver were both dead. My screams rang out my husband had not been told by the other cop. When he came to me I told him our son was dead. He said who told you that. I fell to the road. I could not move even when I tried. The emergency team and cop told me to just be still. I saw my daughter crouched on the ground in the field screaming. I crawled to her. I had to tell her they were not coming out that they were both dead. She was hysterical. I wrapped my arms and legs around her on the ground trying to keep her from going to the car. Her unreal strength I could not hold. She broke free and was knocked to the ground by the cop who threatened to arrest her. I ran deep into the field screaming. The drivers brother ran after me holding me. He was hurting to. He lost his brother. We were told we had to leave before they could remove my son's and the driver bodies from the car. My daughter and I were loaded into an ambulance then in route to the hospital My husband was being driven home to our youngest son by a member of the fire company. In October the cop came with an incomplete police report to my home. I was given the information the driver tested for weed & alcohol. I and my husband were to come to the police station to go over the report when we could. For me my son was killed over a stupid girls love triangle her X's suicide threats and a drunk high driver speeding with no license and not enough gas and a mother who knew she had a problem if she had to keep count of beer. None of it was worth my son getting killed. I read in the police report the drivers mother stated her son should not have been driving because when he gets angry he has a heavy foot and drives fast and he was stupid for driving drunk. She stated she went home and counted the cans of beer in her fridge after having one her self but told the cop she didn't know where her son got the alcohol. She was the only one of us at the crash scene not showing any emotion just smoking a cigarette. When my daughter got released from the hospital she went up to her boyfriends home to help plan his funeral. The day before my sons viewing the same day of the drivers funeral the drivers mother called me to come get my daughter she was in shock and they needed to get to her sons funeral. I found my daughter naked in the shower cuts on her arms & legs (from visiting the crash site earlier in the day after I was told she would not be left alone while there, I had tried to get her to come home the night before. Told I could do nothing to get her out of there because she was over 18) her eye was swollen black and blue. Her eyeball was pure red and bleeding out. Her mouth was foaming. I asked that mother if my daughter took something? I was told no. I got out of my daughter she had taken pills and drank beer and fell down the steps. The mother sent her son to count the beers in the frig. This family was getting ready to attend her sons funeral and they were setting around smoking and drinking. I asked for an ambulance to be called. My daughter was carried to the ambulance by a cop. This was her second trip to the hospital by ambulance that week then transferred by ambulance to another hospital. She missed her boyfriends funeral. I got her out of the hospital just a few hours before seeing my son for the first time after his death then picked up my daughter and went to my sons viewing. I have been told by the cop the investigation will be being closed soon. Every thing I told him I found out was considered here say and no action would be taken. You cant charge a dead driver and no proof were the weed and alcohol came from. I have kept this all bottled up for so many months. I asked my husband why should I have to keep my mouth shut when asked what happened to my son. He said who says you have to? All those people continue on as if nothing ever happened and I've got remarks from people saying what will it matter if you get answers to your questions it wont change that your sons dead. Other remarks were shit happens that's life and get over it I don't know what the big deal is. I add to the list of reasons my son is dead. The mother must have had a problem if she has to keep a count of the beer in her frig. The morning of my sons funeral my husband took me to that woman's home to get my daughters dog that was tied out in the hot sun with a chain twisted to the point the dog could not move. While getting my daughters pocketbook and things while the mothers other son helped me while the mother talked to my husband I got a huge shock. Empty beer cartons piled high to be burnt in the back yard. Empty beer cans all around inside and outside the house. A well stocked step like shelf of whiskey and wine in the kitchen. Might as well been a bar room. My sons girlfriends pocketbook and bags of her belongings and clothes along with the her X's bag of clothes. My son took nothing up there only the socks and shoes on his feet and his shorts and a hat on his head. He didn't even wear a shirt. I honestly believe she was dumping my son for her X and used my son for a ride for her and her X. I have been told while my son was at work his girlfriend and her X spent the night shooting shots and she was just using my son to make her X jealous. None of this was worth my sons life. I think he gave into the girlfriends threat because he knew I would be mad if I found out she took his truck. (she had no license either, my two kids were the only ones with license and vehicles) No one understands how this makes me fill. The girl and her X got back together after they were released from hospitals. The girl can not walk. The girl got a ring for Christmas from the boy. This just makes me sick. I needed to get this out. A lot can happen in just 5 minutes and two weeks. My son and daughter had only been dating these people for 2 week. I made my kids stay on there drivers permits for a year to be sure they had experience before getting their license's. I helped find them vehicles that they paid for along with repairs up keep and insurance. All so they would have driving experience and wouldn't be in a vehicle with little to no driving experience. I tried do every thing right.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Come On In

Welcome to the homestead kitchen once again. For so long I had wanted to change the kitchen cabinets. After Lucas was killed I wanted every thing to stay the same as when he was here. Little by little things have gotten moved. It has been impossible to make that happen. The past two weeks I have been visiting your blogs. Yes I have. I may have not always left a comment. Some times in my frame of mind I'm afraid I may not word things properly. I have been noticing kitchens I like. I picked up some paint samples to experiment with and I already had the stain. Thinking back to my old thoughts of refacing the cabinets already here and just repairing here and there. I still want the cabinets without doors where I removed them long ago and a curtain under the sink. While at play Topaz & Chico tore my curtain down & bent the rod beyond use. Add that to the supply list. I have a very very little budget for this. I gave thought to asking Atlee if he could do the work. I guess I'll see. So my idea was to have the doors much like the closet door. It was an experiment long ago. My thought was to have the top cabinets brown to match the bead board and the ones without the doors add bead board to the inside painted the color as the upper part of the kitchen walls. Now here is the shocker. I'm really thinking of going with the bottom cabinets painted a mustard over black with a dark stain after some distressing. So what do you think two toned or all brown? Any other suggestions are welcome.
Thank you all for visiting. If you commented on my last post I replied to all your comments. I am thankful for your concern support & prayers. Blessings Til Next Time! Lara

Monday, February 4, 2013

Welcome ToThe Homestead Kitchen

As I said in the title Welcome to the homestead kitchen. I'll tell you a little story about the hand water pump if you like. Well I had been wanting one for the past three years after being out bid at the public auction at my Pap's garage after his passing. I have the memory of he & I talking about his pump the day he showed it to me on one of my visits. Pap had bought it at a public sale to add to his little museum of antiques housed in his pretty large garage. Last summer we visited the Wednesday flee market in Reedsville PA just as we do every summer. I found the pump there and made an offer on it. The vendor accepted & home it came with us to the homestead. I remember getting a cell call from Lucas on the way home. I answered & he said "don't be mad but I hit a deer last night, I wasn't going fast, the right side of the truck is damaged & the grill to". (little did I know he would be dead 6 days later). I was just thankful he was ok. Even thow his headlight had been replaced day's before when he hit a sign post. Sam Rockie & I made it home shortly after & Lucas & Lakin had went off with friends or to work. That was the 4th of July for us.
This was our meal for two tonight. Sam & I had Teriyaki glazed chicken breast, candied sweet tators, string beans with dryed toms & sliced almonds in spiced olive oil, and bread sticks. The bread sticks were left over from pizza hut on Sunday. If your wondering if the chicken was fresh from the homestead chicken coop it was not. However the little flock has two less these days. I gave Lucy & Ethel to a chicken farmer. Our rooster was so mean to them for some reason. He pecked the feathers out of them till the ladies were pretty much featherless & bleeding. The rooster lives happily with the three other hens Jenny, Ruth, & Grace these day's. The homestead used to seem so little but now it seems so big. I miss the laughter of Lucas echoing. I miss his company right along side of me doing project's. So much has changed for us here at the homestead. Among life passing us by day by day some days I do nothing. As I have said before the mind has a vast amount of space to wonder. I find myself there often. I still keep the promise I made to Lucas the day I was forced to leave him in that cemetery. I promised to visit & never forget about him. I visited today & as always my tears watered the ground. It is so hard leaving & letting him there. My question always begs the answer. What kind of mother put's her son in a box under the ground and leaves him there? Life continues on all around us and I just want to stop. Another question begs the answer. What kind of mother goes on with life as if she never had her son. I feel so guilty at times. The days are long & the nights even longer. I count the days 209 & another day will soon dawn again. I will leave you all tonight as the snow falls outside the homestead & Sam's homework awaits. Blessings Til Next Time! Lara