Thursday, July 28, 2011

Millie Will Be Traveling Soon

Looks like Millie will be traveling soon to her new home. Maggie & Millie still have a sister in the makings. I am a little slow to getting her finished. Again when she is done I will be asking you all to help me name her to.

For many years my mother & I have not been in touch or close. Near the time before my Pap's passing we made contact & since kept in touch a few times a month. I am not one to run to my mama. She has visited a few times & called at not so good times. She has noticed things when visiting & or calling. I have shared little with her but she has offered her basement to the kids & I. She completely remodeled it over the past few months. There is a small kitchen & 1/2 bath. It would be a bit of a daily drive for getting Lucas back & forth to work & stopping in to feed the creatures at the homestead & the new church but is possible over the next few weeks before school starts for the boys. There would be time for me to think rest & work on my creations for the shop. When time allows & I have internet access I will keep up with your blogs. There is free wireless where Lucas works for the customers. I guess I could be a customer & there is a/c to boot. Thank you for the helpful information for me to look into & your prayers. Before I close I wanted you all to know Laken is much better & her cuts have healed with just a few scars on her legs. She applied for another job & is waiting for a date & time for her interview. That is much to be thankful for. Praise be to God.

Blessings Til Next Time!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Table Top Butcher Block & Chopper

This is the table top butcher block & chopper I told you about making a deal with the shop keeper where my creations are being sold. We talked about the pieces a bit & he asked if I was interested. He made an offer to reduced the price by 50% & we traded some money owed from my creations. I could not pass on his kind offer.

I put it on my stove board when I got home Saturday night. This was the bright spot in my weekend.

Back around April or May I started walking. My husbands employer had a company walking thing to encourage walking for better health. They gave him a step counter to keep track of daily steps to turn in. Of course they offered gifts each week to the employee with the highest number of steps. I have wanted to walk since last summer. I did start last summer but had a bad experience with a driver in a car. I gave up walking. So I was tickled we were going to walk. It was fun in the first weeks. Later it turned into insults to me before we made it to the end of the homestead lane. It went to my husband leaving before I had my shoes on with me rushing to catch up. Him refusing to give me a piece of gum to him telling me to walk behind him then next him crossing to the opposite side of the road telling me he did not want to walk on the same side. He said it was sissified to walk with your wife & complained about the kids. Last Friday was our last walk together. This all started out so fun. We talked & walked as I took photos. He told me I only wanted to walk with him to make people think we had a good marriage & loved each other but they knew better. He left me know he would no longer walk with me. He has gone out the door each morning this week letting me behind. I decided I would walk by myself each evening. I have lost weight since walking. He should be happy after all he told me I was a fat old ugly hog weeks ago. My walks have been lonely but I am not being devoured by his hatred. The text messages with hateful words started before my walk was over.

We have not been to church for weeks. Since the pastor retired & others have came to speak to be voted on as the new pastor. The pastor we both voted for withdrew. I thought we would still go to church but my husband said there was no where to go. Since he did not get the pastor he voted for like a child he picked up his toys & went home so to speak. If you cant have your own way then just stop going to church is his attitude in my opinion. I felt if we were no longer going to go there we should look for another church not just stop going all together. He wanted Lucas to give up his job of keeping the church grounds mowed because he said he did not want to be obligated to continue going to church there. This is the second summer Lucas had done this job. I refused to make Lucas give up the job. My husband told me to make sure we left him out of it. We have. That preacher may be just the one to lead Lucas's soul to Christ. I explained the church did not require Lucas to go to church there to keep the job. He had stopped going to church months ago. The church would just hire a landscaping service that may not even go to church either. Lucas is still mowing for the church. The preacher has invited Lucas in the house & spoken to him.

Church has been a battle for a long time. My husband off & on announces he dose not want me in the church with him or beside him. He wants to go by himself but then he takes us saying he is only doing it for Sam. Says he cant be a Christian with me there & when God removes me from his life he can be. I get the blame for his not being right with God. I honestly think he has a demon in him.

Tonight I decided it was time I went back to church & found one to attend again. I took Sam & we went. The message could have been no more on target with my life right now. The people were nice & welcomed Sam & I. We were invited back again. I did not share any of my problems with them. It was nice to sit & listen to the message with out my husband huffing & mumbling under his breath complain about the service or people & not finding anything good to say about the service on the way home. It was nice to speak with people after the service & not be insulted or called names or judged. I want to go back. I took Sam for ice cream before going home. While eating our ice cream the text messages started from my husband again. I text him telling him it was his loss not mine & I am done being devoured by his hatered. I have decided he will have to lay his sins at the Fathers feet & only he can do that. He can only change if he wants to. But will not take me to hell with him. He has admitted to trying to make me so miserable I will just leave & others will think I left him & fill sorry for him since he did not have a christian wife. He went so far as to suggest a single man that he says has money & has a big farm with sheep. Telling me I would like that since I like sheep. I know it is wrong but part of me wishes he would suffer twice as much hurt as he has given me. I know what the saying There Is A Fine Line Between Love & Hate means.

On the way to pick Lucas up from work tonight I heard a song saying I am not strong enough to be everything that I am supposed to be - I give up. That is me & I need God to make me strong enough. For now we are still in the same house but he has his own bathroom he kicked me out of months ago & now has our bedroom to his self from the time he gets home from work til he leaves for work. He walks alone. He will not eat with us. He left 1 hour & a 1/2 early for work today saying he was going to get something to eat for supper tonight at work. An hour & a half early I asked. He said he was hungry & there was nothing to eat here at the house so he was going out to eat before work. I asked why he could not take his family out to eat to. His answer was he only had enough money for his self. The kids were all home by then. I cooked us a meal after he left. I know what I want but I know it is not going to happen. I have decided to stay here for now. I am sure it will not be long before the bank forecloses on the house loan. I heard him on the phone today trying to borrow against his life insurance again. I am sure he will keep his precious car & dog. I think he is the only person who could be happy & survive in hell. God help him because I can't. It would hurt to leave the homestead & all my gardens behind but I can not help but think he deserves to loss his house & property for how he has treated the kids & I. His pre nump allows nothing for the kids & I. Only our clothes & my furnishings. No cash or support for me. Just child support for the boys. That & my little income will not be enough to rent a place & pay our expenses. Yes I was stupid years ago to sign it. I honestly believed he would find I was not like his X wife & would later dissolve it. I was wrong. take my advise & never sign one. As my daughter said I should have known something was wrong back then. I trusted believed & loved for nothing.

Blessings Til Next Time!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

She Has Been Named Millie

Thank you all for the wonderful name suggestions once again. I picked the name Millie for Maggie's sister. The suggestion was given by Robin from Stop by & say hi to Robin. Thank you Robin! Robin said she thinks she is the wool spinner of the family. Millie is the second doll in this collection. She is numbered dated & signed by me. Millie is 10 inches tall & stuffed with rags for that old time fill.

The shop keeper were I sell my creations had every thing ready for the auctioneer Saturday when I stopped in. While there we made a deal on a small counter top butcher block & chopper. I will have to show you that soon. He gave me ideas of what creations to work on for when he reopens in September. Millie may be going to the shop or if anyone is interested in purchasing before then send me an email including your zip code to I bill by pay pal $25.oo plus SH & Insurance.

If you would like to see shop photos & some of my creations click on the Birds Nest Farm The Shoppe logo in my right sidebar. I will be posting photos of the new look the shoppe is undergoing at this time when it is finished.

My plans are a walk when it cools off. My first walk by myself then getting some much needed rest before picking Lucas up at his shift end tonight. Then on to working on some new creations for the shop reopening. Sending thanks for your support & wishing you all a wonderful evening as I close this post today.

Blessings Til Next Time!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Tomato & Cucumber Bed Dug Up

I made two beds to plant tomato & cucumbers in weeks ago. I planted the cucumber seeds & waited for them to grow large enough to plant them in the new beds. I purchased some tomato plants at Lowes & a neighbor gave me some more tomato plants he grew from seed in a cold flat. Tomatoes were on the vines & ripening. So tickled I was. Until this past Sunday when the dog from hell dug in them. My husband assured me he would watch his dog & he would not dig in the new beds. I heard digging noise from the dining room windows. I looked out & that dog was digging in the flower bed under the windows. I ran outside to get him out. Before I got there he had already dug a hole & layed on the balloon flowers & a day lily. The day lily is broken over. My husband laughed about it & said he is hot. I was very hurt. I spend hours each day caring for the gardens. Later I discovered the dog had dug in the new beds. After weeks of tending these plants it sickened me. My husband blamed it on the cats saying I did not see the dog do it. This turned into a blow up from my husband ending with him accusing me of hurting his dog, threatening to have me arrested & telling me he hoped the dog killed everything I have planted then telling me he dose not love me & he wants a divorce. Needless to say the dog has the plants now. I threw them where he is tied today. What was the point of waiting for him to kill them all? There will be no pickles to can or fresh tomatoes to slice. I can not understand why God would allow someone to think more of a pet than his kids & wife. This dog never dose any wrong in my husbands eyes. We can not even have cookouts & eat in the gazebo when my husband is home because he says we are teasing his dog & hurting its feelings. The gazebo has become a glorified dog house to his dog. When our teens have stayed out all night my husband has layed his head on his pillow & went sound asleep as I wait, call or look for them. When my husbands dog runs off he is in the vehicle searching or walking to find his dog. Today I am not sure how much longer my kids & I will have a roof over our heads. Not only has my husband reminded me once again that it is his house & property but the bank will not approve him another loan. Months ago he had to have a new mustang at any cost. Writing a bad check to the dealership with my name on it (which I made good to keep my credit from being ruined) to writing out a bad check for the first car payment (the bank covered it & charged a fee to our checking account). He has now got to the point there is no more money to juggle or loans to be had. Of course the car payments are mailed on time & the phone calls to the finance company & sweating starts with him hoping the check is not cashed before his paycheck is deposited that week. The teens have been staying away with friends while he is home on weekends. He spent his weekend sitting in a chair in the yard with his dog & the garden hose while misting himself & his dog. He will not allow a/c at all. It has been 85 to 95 inside the homestead this past week. I was told he would never allow a/c because he did not want me to be cool. Yet the dog has his own pool to keep cool & my fish pond is in need of water. But as he said it is his water. He took the time to jump from his chair to throw a rock at one of the cats for batting its paw at a butterfly. When this did not work he chased the cat into my rock bed while stepping on the flowers & kicking the side of a bush. My prayers for him are dried up & I am to the point I have almost completely lost my faith. I have very little income & health issues that cause me to be unemployed. It is getting harder to get up each day & put on the happy face & start over. I need God to provide a way for my kids & I. The older kids have returned home today since he has went to work. Children should feel welcome in what should be there home. There friends are not welcomed by my husband. He dose not want them inside his house or in his basement for fear they may steal his tools. In the months they have had friends over nothing has been damaged or stolen. I find it strange that my husband wants to have a camp meeting in the field & have port a potties set up. He wants to have a youth minister come in & open the field to youth to camp out the month of August but has no way to pay for it. He believes God will provide the cash for this if it is to be. It should not shock me that he wants to reach the lost of other surrounding communities I guess. They dont really know him. He has no burden for his own children or their friends. There is a mission field in his own home he is not burdened for. My head is spinning with all this & the fact I really do not know who my husband is anymore. He has assured me once I am removed from his life he can be a christian & do the work of the lord. For me I just dont believe this is of God. I am in no way a perfect person but this is so off the wall. For now we are still here & he says he just dose not have the money to divorce me. He saw an ad for cheap divorces. To eliminate this excuse I went & borrowed the amount & told him to go get it & when he provided me with a receipt I would give him the cash. The next excuse was I am not sure it would be legal. He wants me to go to a divorce attorney with him Friday to start the divorce on my birthday. In his opinion what better time to do it.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Let's Name Her

Last month I made the first doll in my stump doll collection & I asked you all to help me name her. Out of the name suggestions I picked the name Maggie for her. Teresa from Deppen Homestead 1862 suggested Maggie. If you have never visited Teresa you are missing out on her beautiful homestead & all the lovely displays she puts together. She also has wonderful furry friends about the homestead. Stop by & visit

So what do you think Maggie's sisters name should be?

Blessings Til Next Time!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Road Trip

The boys & I went on a road trip yesterday since Lucas was off work. He had worked six days straight. It gave him driving time. More practice. Yeah! We visited the shop where my creations are on consignment. When we opened the shop door the store keeper said your the doll lady & I sold a doll & I have to tell you what we are doing. He said we are closing the shop. My heart sank. Then he continued with only for the month of August. He said an auction company would be picking up all the shop items this weekend. He told me I could take my creations home with me or he would pack them & store them. He told me they would be using the shop area to expand their cafe & the little room where they have tables would be rented to an antique dealer. He told me he still wanted to sell my dolls & other creations in his cafe. I was asked if I could have fall creations ready by September & Christmas creations ready by December. Well I will be working on some new creations in the weeks to come as time allows while the cafe is getting a fresh new color of paint. I was happy he still wanted my creations & hear how much he loves the dolls. He also told me what all creations had sold. He was as tickled as I was that one of the dolls sold this month. He told me the lady was so happy with the doll & she even bought the chair to set her in. I love to hear that one of my creations that God has allowed me to create brings so much joy to the buyer. The boys & I stopped for supper out on the way home. This was a fun treat for all of us. No dishes for mom or kitchen to clean. Yeah!

This is the doll that sold this month. Andy is # 10 in my jointed doll collection.

Beautiful lilies are in bloom. I love the vivid colors of their throats.

A basket of fresh green beans have been picked to steam & some onions have been dug.

Atlee his girlfriend Samantha & my Granddaughters gave me this beautiful black wall cabinet. I do so love it. For now it hangs in the kitchen entry way. I hope to have one of Maggies sisters done very soon. When I do I will be asking you all to help name her. Wishing you all a good night as I close this post & sending thanks for all your prayers you have lifted & layed at our saviors feet.

Blessings Til Next Time!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Words That Cut

In the weeks since Lakens accident I find it hard to stomach the words that cut from some & the silence of words from some. Spouse family & neighbors. It amazes me how others whom I have never met other than here at the blogs I follow & that follow my blog can have so much compassion. I am grateful for for you all.

Just a few days after Lakens accident while setting in the gazebo after a walk I poured out my heart & soul to my spouse. Lakens piercing screams still ring out in my mind with the image of the wreaked jeep. I checked all four tires before she left that day. Seeing the tire off the rim when going to the garage to get Lakens things out of the jeep after leaving the hospital that day continued to eat at me. I questioned over & over. Had the tire blew out & caused the accident? My spouse said maybe it happened this way at this time because God was keeping something worse from happening later. The tire had needed some air off & on. Laken remembered hearing a noise right before the accident. I was worried maybe something had happened to the axle. My spouse said he had explained to the man who did the inspection a few weeks before the accident that two kids would be driving the jeep & he wanted it gone over really good to make sure it was safe. He assured me the man would have done just that. Set my mind a rest on that. The Friday we went to the garage to settle up for the jeep being removed from the accident scene I had to ask if the tire was off when he arrived at the accident. My spouse explained I feared that the tire had blown out. The garage owner said the tire was on when he arrived to remove the jeep but due to he had no way to flip the jeep over & had to pull it on & haul it on its roof he had caused the tire to come off. He assured me the tire had not blown out & he gets many calls all year long for the accident location. He said he did not understand why nothing has ever been done to improve that area of the road with so many accidents there. This did set my mind to rest on that fear. He asked how Laken was doing & said she was really lucky.

This past weekend Laken asked me to have my spouse look at a car she was interested in. When I asked him to pull into the car lot as we approached the entrance. He pulled in & said he was not getting out & looking & he was not talking to no salesman. He told me I could not get her killed off fast enough & told me her accident was my fault & she would have another one & get killed & that I had put her in an unsafe vehicle. Words that cut. The vehicle he took to the garage to get inspected. The vehicle the week before her accident he wanted me to take the keys away from her so he could drive it back & forth to work after the family van broke down & he did not want to drive his mustang back & forth to work.

In this short week one of Lucas's friends made it known that he was interested in Laken. Six days after her accident & five days after the tex message from her boyfriend that he was breaking up with her & did not bother to come to the hospital she went with the boy when his father & he picked her up. I thought she was coming home in a few hours. After twelve hours of tracking her down & looking for her & hearing all the horrible scenarios of what could be happening to her at the hands of this boy & his father from my spouse along with no tex messages or cell phone calls being returned from Laken or the boy. Not to mention the boys Grandfather telling me he had not seen them since the night before & when I asked where dose your grandson live he answered me well I guess he just lives where ever he hangs out from place to place. I asked where the boys father lived & if he had a phone. I was told he lived in an old farmhouse back off the road & he had no house phone & he guessed he had a cell phone but didnt know the number. This is his own son. I called another cell number I found on a piece of paper Lucas had. It was the boys mother. She explained he did not live with her & she lived in another town. She said she had not heard from him but would try to get a hold of him & I could give her a call back. In a twelve hour span I called her two more times only to find she was letting my calls go to voicemail. In between all those hours she had been to the grandfathers looking for her son I was told by the grandfather. How nice of her to not answer my calls. I wonder what kind of mother she is? After texting & calling kids who have been to our home finally one kid calls me back & gives me directions to the boys dads house. I went there. He was still in bed in the middle of the afternoon. Two teens smoking on his doorstep one went to get him. He tells me he has not seen the kids since he dropped them off at his fathers farm the night before & they & other kids were going to set up tents & build fire to camp out. He can not get a hold of him & tells me his sons phone is dead. I told him Laken left with a fully charged phone & that the boys mother was looking for him to. At that time I thought she was. He told me that was news to him & told me he had problems with one of his other sons in the past. He never knew where he was or what he was doing. Great I am thinking. He told me to give him some time to round his son up. I went to the grandfathers farm next. The grandmother was on the porch with the grandfather. I asked if the kids were there. The grandmother told me they were in a trailer up on the hill. I asked if I could go up to the trailer to get Laken as I explained why I was there & what all had took place in the past twelve hours. She told me she had come home late the night before from bingo. She said she knew what it was like to not know where a kid was & worry because she has another grandson who in the past they never knew where he was or what he was doing. Same story I just heard from the father her son. The grandfather made the comment I had a daughter & she did not act like this she was good & all that was wrong with my daughter was I did not take care of her. Words that cut. The grandmother told him not to be saying that & go back inside. By this time I was done. For hours I had kissed butt & was niece nice to everyone to get answers. I was crying & said I take care of my kids & I have left many kids in the past few weeks come to my home & even stay & fed them because I felt sorry for them including your grandson. (At this point I am wondering why. And sorry I did. I was hoping that they would see something to help them. So much for being the salt of the world & hoping they would see the love of Christ for them in me. Reach out & touch a life & lead a soul). The grandmother got defencive then. My spouse got out of the truck for the first time in all the search & told me to shut my mouth up. Words that cut. In the mean time the boys father came in a back way to the grandfathers farm & told the kids at the trailer. The boy & Laken came down through a field in the grandfathers truck. How could the grandfather not know his truck was gone? The grandmother started yelling at Laken. Why didnt you call your mother. She said she knew what that was like because of her other grandson. You should not worry her then started to yell at her grandson. Why didnt you call & your on my property. Laken was not a happy camper & was mad at me. I was told she was an adult & kids asked why I was looking for her when she was 20 & an adult. Words that cut. I explained you may be 20 & an adult but you live with me. I support you & you do not act like an adult & it is crazy to leave with a boy & not come home & not know the people whos trailer you were staying in. Up until this day I have never seen any of these people except the boy who visited our home once. Words that cut from people who I do not know nor know me.

No visits at the hospital or phone calls to our home from either of my sisters or nieces or nephews. The silence of words that cut. In the years I rushed to the hospital after one nephew rolled his car on the mountain the other nephew rolled a tractor down over a bank into a creek. I was there for my one sister after her baby was born dead. I cleaned her house before she came home from the hospital & took pizza to her home after she arrived home. After I went to our Pap & asked for one of the burial plots beside of Gram for her to bury her baby after she asked me to talk to Pap. I did all this out of love for them & their kids. Where were they? Why could they not put aside their grudge for me they have had since Pap passed away? A grudge over money property & me talking to our mother. This was my daughter their niece.

I asked my spouse to help with Lucas's transportation to & from his job on the weekends. He dose not work Friday thru Sunday. Well I was told the kids are my responsibility & he gave them over to me years ago. Words that cut. Lucas is his own flesh & blood. He said he was not a father to his first son & asked why I would expect him to be a father to these kids & told me I should have thought about this years ago before I had these kids all in one breath. Words that cut. I am married but living the life of a single mother raising these kids alone. Not to mention him telling me he did not want to be a husband & told me to get out of his house along with many more hurtful words that cut. My spouse has been holding a grudge since Lucas broke a door knob of an empty cabin & entered it & was charged. My spouse wants to send him away to a boot camp or half way house. He has been holding a grudge against Laken since she was was a senior. She did not go on to college & has had wasted her life on worthless boyfriends. She has had three boyfriends. He wants me to send her to live with my mother or put her in the air force. The air force was his dream that never happened. He can not accept that you can not live your dreams through your kids. I do not think the answer is to send my kids away. Home is where you are loved & accepted. In a few years I am sure Sam will say or do something he will not accept & want to send him away to.

All I can say is words that cut. How many can one say to another? How many can I take & turn the cheek? What ever happened to if you cant say anything good then bridle the evil tongue.

Do I fill like a door mat for all to leave their words that cut & words not said that cut. YES I DO. I can understand that kids say words that cut. There never happy when being told what not to do. Kids rebel. There young & have little life experience of wisdom. I have been a mother for 30 years & know it all comes with raising kids but I expect more from adults who are parents or grandparents themselves. I expect more from my spouse. What happened to a husband - father leading his home? When is there ever an option to just decide one no longer wants to be a husband or a father I am sure it is not when one decides they want to go to Africa & minister to the lost because they are sick of being tied down to a wife kids & bills. If they can not show Christs love to their own family then how will they do it miles away? I believe is starts in your own household. But I have been told not.

I am not filling like my usual self lately. But I planned a small birthday party for my granddaughter who turned 4 this week. Unfortunately my son Atlee was not able to get her tonight & his girlfriend got called to work. I took her gift to my sons girlfriends parents house & visited a short time. My other granddaughter was a happy little one. We rescheduled the party for next week. Atlee only comes when my spouse is at work & leaves before he gets home.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Every Day Happenings - More Dolls In The Makings

Every day life is happening here at the homestead this week. The weather has been very hot. The gardens have been in need of their thirst being quenched. No rain for them to drink but a fast sprinkle from the garden hose keeps all from wilting. Lucas found the little toad at the basement entryway before going off to work. This is the first toad we have seen this summer. It enjoyed a swim in the cool water amongst the swimming fish. Glints of orange came to the top of the rippling water to see the new creature swimming amongst them then the glints of orange would submerge them selves deep into the pond bottom. Well you know how much I enjoy such simple things of nature.

Maggie has been adopted by a loving prim homesteader. She left the homestead on her journey to her new home. I will soon be sharing her sisters with you. They are in the makings at this time. Be sure to watch for a post about them. I would like you all to help name Maggies sisters soon.

Off I must be going to tend to the creatures of the homestead. All will need their evening snacks & fresh cold water to quench their thirst. The chickens will be going to their roost then I to the gazebo I will have a mason jar of fresh sweet tea cooling in the ice box just waiting for me after all are bedded down for the evening.

Blessings Til Next Time!