Monday, September 19, 2011

Good Bye

I wish you all well as I will be saying good bye for now. My life is a mess there are no fun adventures to share. Nothing positive to be said. No creations in progress. No photos of fall displays. My things are all being put in one room while waiting to be removed as he starts to add furniture he is purchasing. From the little I know his pre nump was very well covering for his protection & my step sons. Every thing will be layed out for me in legal details the first week of October.


Thursday, September 15, 2011


This week the bank called so tell my husband they needed to get the settlement started on his loan. I told my husband I believe I need a lawyer before signing the paper work. First of all I was told I would in no way be involved with his loan when he applied. So much for that lie. He had told me he did not know I would have to sign days ago when the bank called and I over heard his conversation. Of course I wanted to know why he said his nearest relative was his mother why he asked me her phone number. It is his mother not mine. He should know her phone number. I heard him ask (she wont be obligated to pay the loan will she?) After he hung up I had questions. Why would his mother be or not be obligated to pay the loan. His answer was they meant you. I was to have nothing to do with this loan. Shouldnt I be his nearest relative?. We have been married 15 years. Of course I had my concerns that the bank would have a right to my gazebo & other structures I have paid for & have placed on his property. I had concerns about if he did not pay the loan or would die before he paid it off. He is much older than I. He made an appointment to go over the loan papers. I told him I would be asking questions. Of course he got mad. He told me I better not screw things up for him. I left him know I felt I should not believe he or the bank that neither of them were an attorney & I believe I should talk to one before I sign the paper. Well my mother got the blame for advising me. Not so.

We went to the appointment. I watched him sign one paper after another. A stack at least an inch thick. He is so desperate to get his bills paid he just signed and went to the next one without reading or asking questions. In my opinion he just made a deal with the devil. I know not literally but as an expression to describe what he did. The loan officer said he was finished. He then reminded her there was a paper I was to sign. Why did he even bring that up. He could have kept his mouth shut and left it go. She went to get the papers. When she came back I told her I had question. I voiced one and she explained I would not be obligated to pay the loan off if he did not. I asked what if for some unfortunate reason he dies would I have to pay it off? I was told no. She said because I am his wife I have a legal right to his property even if my name is not on the deed and by signing I was agreeing that the bank has the right to foreclose without my consent if my husband dose not pay the payments. I asked if a foreclosure came about would I have to leave the home & how long would I have to do so. I was told foreclosure takes a long time. I asked just how long would I have. I was told three months . To me thats not a long time. I asked if he unfortunately died could I pay the loan off myself at he pay off cost or would they put it in real estate & I would have to pay market price. I was told I could continue to pay on the loan monthly or pay it off & the house would not be sold. It would be mine. My husband said see I told you. I said I think you are forgetting to tell her you have a pre nump that excludes me from the house if you die. Well he was really mad. He told me that did not matter if I did sign. I left him know she said that there is only a three day period to withdraw after signing & on the fourth day it would be to late for me if my things were not protected. The loan officer spoke up & said I was correct. She also said I would be protected by his will. Of course he kept his mouth shut again. I spoke up and commented that your will was made years before we were together & was never changed( His mother & son from his first marriage are the only ones in it. The loan officer advised he should really make a new one & have things changed to protect me and that I could use his life insurance to pay off both loans. I left her know I am not the beneficiary. She advised I should be. He asked if he could name the bank as beneficiary to his life insurance policy to pay off the house (he refused to take out the life insurance or disability insurance the bank offered). She said it could be set up. That really lets the bank know how much he dose not trust me. The bank has no idea he has took two loans out of the life insurance policy since he bought the mustang & is paying two loan payment a month on it. She said she would set up an appointment at the bank for him with an adviser who could arrange all this & even point out things he may not think of to protect me. He ask if he could just go to the main bank & set the appointment up himself. She said yes & gave him the advisors business card. He will never make that appointment. He just needed to look good in front of her. The loan officer told him it would be best for me to be present at that appointment & told me it would be best if I speak with an attorney before signing because she is not a lawyer. He is not a happy camper. Neither am I by this time. That fine line between Love & Hate is so thin & fraying by the second. I wondered why & how the bank would even consider a loan for him. Well between what he owes on the house & the amount he is trying to borrow is less than what the house is worth. If you ask me the bank knows they will foreclose sooner or later & make money off of the property. I am sure they do not loan money to not make money. I am sure they are looking out for their own interest. They have no idea he charged a few hundred dollars for a vet bill for his precious dog last week or that he got a cash advance of a couple thousand dollars on another charge card last week. His head will get above water but this vicious cycle will continue. It already has. it always dose with every loan. Who in there right mind borrows money to pay off charge cards then charges on them before the bank has settled & payed them off. To top it off he says he would not make me his beneficiary to his life insurance policy because I would just move some low life into his house. I asked if he preferred to keep his oldest son as a beneficiary who would not pay the house off but just use it to snort his cocaine or shoot up his heroin. He left me know if he did that instead of starting his own business then it was his loss & at least I would not have the property. He thinks our boys will just blow it. Two years ago he removed my daughter & I only leaving biological children as beneficiaries. I found this out after looking through his mail. He even suggested today he could name his dog as the beneficiary for the dogs life time care. I told him it was sick to think more of his dog than his wife & kids. He left me know his dog is his friend & the kids can take care of them selves & my kids / our kids would never amount to anything & I can find another man to take care of me. I noticed he excluded his first son from his previous marriage. For the life of me I can not see how he turned out to amount to so much. The kids & I have always been the second family he believes he was tied down to. His first wife was unfaithful to him. To the point he was not sure the son they had was even his. He left her walk away with the trailer car money & child. She sold his things at a yard sale. I have always been faithful loving & forgiving. But I get the punishment. This x wife of 32 years called a few weeks ago. I answered knowing the caller id was her. After I said hellow there was silence for awhile then is Cheryl there. She must think I am stupid. I said no this is Lara. I called her twice with in 30minutes making sure I unblocked the phone number so my husbands name would come up on her caller id. Neither time did she answer her phone. A few hours later my step son called & said he no longer needed me to watch his son the next day & that his girlfriend was going to use an old baby sitter. My husband has pushed me to far. I am going to an attorney. I could care less if his bills get paid off. I will also be having a will made. I will not leave him any rights to any of what is mine after all of this. My four biological children will be the ones it will all go to. He forgets his pre nump protects my property Pap & Gram left me. When he required that any inheritance one receives would be the soul keeper of it & there children would only have rights to it. He believed he would inherit his mothers property because his stepfather wanted him to have the home place. He died a year after we were married. He did not get the property & his mother has deeded acreage to one grand child. His nephew. He believes the house will go to his two half brothers. He was so sure I would never receive an inheritance. I really never expected to myself but I did when Pap passed. He cut his own nose off to spite himself. He has hurt my daughter beyond forgiveness. He no longer refers to her as his daughter but a step daughter. I keep reminding myself what he sews he will reap. But just how long will it take? I can not help but wish he would loose his precious dog & mustang. Really he dose not deserve to even have a home either. This new loan would not be paid off for ten years. By then if he lives he will be close to 70 years old. He told me I should not count on out living him. To think I thought marring an older man would be safer & he would be mature & wise. I am more determined to secure that log home for the kids and I.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Can U Guess ?

Can you guess? If you guessed apple sauce is next then you were right. I bought a bushel of apples at the orchard. A really good buy they were. I paid $5.00 for them. I was excited. They were seconds. There was nothing wrong with these apples. I still have half a bushel to make more apple butter soon.

Cooking & smelling so warm & yummy.

All ready to be ladeled into the jars then off to the water bath canner.

I ended up with 24 jelly jars & one pint to eat right away. You ask why such little jars. Well I have found that many jars have went to waste sitting in the frig half full. Not everyone wants apple sauce with their meal. Every one will get there own little jar when they want it with a meal this way.

I still had 18 cups of tomatoes left after my salsa adventure so I froze them. I will attempt to make salsa again soon with another recipe this time.. I added a can of mild chili peppers to a jar of the salsa I made over the weekend. It was not bad. I can say that home canning is much work. Much easier to can with another. Gram was such a huge help so many years ago. I have my eyes on some pear trees that are loaded with pears this year. I plan to ask the neighbor if I could pick some to can spice pears.

We have not yet started to build the shelves to hold all the lovely can goods. I have been busy working on creations for the shop when not canning. Lucas has been working after school four nights a week. Not much time for us to get started. I want to make it on wheels so I can easily move it out when I have to. I am wanting to build it to look something like the buttery photos in the APP Magazines but in two stacked pieces. I have sketched some designs in my notebook. Changed them as I think. If you have any photos of something like my ideas on your blog let me know. Inspiration.

We have open house at school coming up this week & Sam has a birthday too. He is more excited about his birthday than open house. Well what kid wouldn't be? So much to look froward to when so young.

Laken did not get the job she applied for a while back but. She had to be able to lift 50 pound boxes & load them on a delivery truck. She is feather light at way under 90pounds herself. She was told she would be considered for an office job in November. She has applied for many jobs since but has had no luck yet.

I will close with good night to all.

Blessings Til Next Time!


Monday, September 12, 2011

Salsa Can It Be Fixed

After hours of work cleaning & cooking fresh veggies to make salsa I canned it. It smelled & looked yummy. I tasted it on some corn chips. It did not seem very hot as in spice hot. I thought maybe it needed time to set the taste. Well we tryed some today & it still taste the same. Taste like tomatoes. We dont like it. I was wondering if I opened the jars and dumped them in the large roaster & heated it again & added more hot peppers if it could be fixed & then recanned. I just started canning again after 20 years. In the past Gram & I canned together. I am on my own these days. In need of some advise from all you experienced ones.

Blessings Til Next Time!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Apple Butter

I had a large bowl of apples in the homestead kitchen that no one was eating so I decided to experiment with them today. I had a dozen little jelly jars waiting to be opened & used. It started out that the apples would be made into apple sauce but before it was over I went a little bit further. So what I ended up with was apple butter. I have never made apple butter. I just added sugar & spices to get the look & taste that seemed good. When Sam came home from school I asked him to taste it. Well he said I dont like apple butter. I encouraged him to have just a little taste because mom made it. He liked it but said he still did not like store bought apple butter & you know I only like home made food. Boy I sure hope when he grows up he gets a wife who cooks. Or just maybe he will have to do all the cooking.

I have been busy stitching some samplers for the shop. In two weeks there will be a fall festival in the town where the shop is. I am hoping for lots of sells. I would like to find a pattern for jar lid covers. I was given a jar of apple butter for Christmas many years ago that had a pretty fabric circle with elastic sewed inside it that hid the jar flat & ring. I would like to make some to use on my jars. Would you happen to know where I could find a pattern?

I got some wide boards over the weekend at Lowes. I had my coupons in hand to get money off. I & Lucas are going to built a shelf for all the jars of food I have canned. This should be a fun adventure for us.

It has rained since Saturday here & the chickens & kittens are a bit stir crazy. I have put them in & out during the day so they would not be shut in their houses for so long. I hate for them to get soaked. The ducks just love to waddle in the rain & take a dip in the mud puddles. So funny to watch them.

Lucas is at work tonight & Laken went out with friends. So its just Sam & I. Checkers will be a fun game to play after we have our evening meal. We will be having the soup I canned a bit back & slices of apple butter bread. Oh my stash of canned food is going almost as fast as I can it.

I wish you all a good evening as I close this post tonight.

Blessings Til Next Time!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Drying * Canning * Visiting * Dreaming * All In One Day

Today I picked the mint leaves I grew washed & put them in to dry. The homestead kitchen had mint in the air. So fresh & clean the odor of mint.

I canned carrots tonight & I can hear the flats sounding off & on as I chat with you. The mint is in the small jar. Not much after is had been crushed. But so thankful for what I had in the rock bed to pick.

Last night I finished up a lot of prim cats for the shop keeper. I made a trip to the shop early this morning to leave them & the pumpkins I have been working on along with Millie the stump doll. I thought Millie had sold but she never made her way to a new home. I took some framed stitcheries & a ditty bag also. The shop keeper wants many more cats pumpkins & fall framed stitcheries by the end of the month. Looks like I need more hours in this month. I sure hope all sells fast.

I took a fast drive to the place where the bunny hutch was made before heading back to the homestead today. There was this sweet little shed that would make the perfect potting shed / summer kitchen. A dream I have filed away for now. Inside there is a counter on the one end from wall to wall. Veggie plants & flowers could be started in the spring on it. I loved the double doors on the end. They could be opened while canning on a cook stove cooling the place off. I can imagine all the jars lined up with veggies to cool on that counter during the summer. Of course it would have to be built to match the chicken house bunny hutch & outhouse tool shed. Dreaming on.

A thought to ponder: Without dreams one would be without hope.

Wishing you all a safe & happy holiday.

Blessings Til Next Time!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

First Day Of September

After making sweet tea doing a load of laundry & having a light lunch it was time to do some major cleaning. The first day of the month is always busy for me unless it is a weekend day because I clean out the animal houses. This month the first fell on Thursday which is my day to clean out the frig each week. Lots to do today.

Off to clean the bunny hutch. Everything needed is in the outhouse waiting.

Velveteen just has to see what is going on outside the hutch.

Chestnut seems to approve of fresh pine shavings. All but that black ball. Could Velveteen have left that behind?

Off to clean the chicken house next.

Fresh pine shavings waiting for the chickens to enjoy tonight.

All the chickens sure have grown over the summer. I thought Lucy Ethel Grace Ruth & Jenny would be laying eggs by now. I look each day but none as yet. What are you girls waiting on?

This guy has not crowed yet. Thought he was a rooster. Could I be wrong?

I called the owners of the log house but there has been no answer as yet. Try & try again. I have talked to my husband & explained I do not think he will ever have the loans paid off before he dies. He now plans to sometime sell the homestead to get out from the debt. To me there is no hope other than just making sure my things on the property are protected for now. Of all things he suggested that if I put his name on the deed to the property Pap & Gram gave me he would put my name on the homestead property. I guess he thinks I am stupid. If he dies I would still loose the homestead due to signing the banks paper & if he defaults I would have to pay his loan & take a chance of losing my property. His suggestion was to amend the pre nump by having it changed to if we divorce then we each go back to owning our original property. IF. How many times has he said he is divorcing me. Well my head is spinning with all these mind games & he can forget it. My best bet is to presue the log house & property even if it is not for sale yet but could be in the future. Who knows they may want to sell. Please know I do not wish for my husband to die. I am not heartless. The comment left that he could have a brain tumor hits home because I made the comment to my mother that I could understand his actions if he had a brain tumor. Fortunately for him he dose not have one. For now I continue to pray about all this & continue to go to the new church. I am happy there & the people are very nice. I have shared none of my problems there. I hate the questions from one. What is your last name who are you married to. Who said I was married? Well I could not lie but I hurried the conversation along & left. I guess this is only normal but at this time I just want to be me. Like I can here on the blog. Thanks for all the prayers & support.

Blessings Til Next Time!