It has been some time since I have wrote a post to my blog. The past 14 month's have been over whelming for me. I thank you all for your prayer's, kind word's & for the special surprise package I received & I hope to post about soon. Fall is approaching the homestead for sure. The garden will soon once again sleep for the winter season. I am ready for it this year again. My emotional and physical health need to sleep as my garden will. I am not sure about where my future post's will lead. My life has changed so much and I face life minute by minute most of the time. I am pretty sure that my son's death has been buried with him or should I say buried with what was left of him. There have been meeting's with the police, coroner, fire chief, funeral director, lawyer's, doctor's, shrink & other's. Even family member's. The common response for them is what difference will it make the end result is your son is dead. What difference dose it make if all his body was recovered or if it was buried with him or not. For me it matter's. I love my child. Why dose it not matter my 17 year old son is dead He was killed buried & forgotten as he never mattered. No justice.I have been shocked by the unreal treatment from some. I was told early on that you have to be forgiving of thing's some will say not thinking. I learned this fast. How ever along this journey of grief I encountered some who I want karma to visit them in my sight. I'll leave you all with hopes of returning soon. Lara
Morning Dear Lara, was thinking about you lately....still keeping you in my prayers that you find comfort, Hugs Francine.
ReplyDeleteLara - I do continue to pray for you and your family. May you find comfort in knowing we all care....
ReplyDeleteDo what your heart tells your to do. Praying.
ReplyDeleteI think you are incredibly brave. No one knows what you are going through unless they are walking in your shoes. You are keeping Lucas alive in your memories and no one can take that from you.
ReplyDeleteLara, I check all the time to see if you posted and was glad to see something from you today my friend. I continue to pray for you and your family. Lucas will never be forgotten by those that loved him.
ReplyDeleteDonna
As others have said I am so sorry for your loss. Remembering your loved one keeps them alive.
ReplyDeleteLara,
ReplyDeleteWhen my son passed suddenly at 12 1/2, with nothing that was known to be wrong, our local authorities chose not to pay for an autopsy. They felt foul play was the only reason to spend the money and in a "loving home such as ours" no one would have hurt him. I needed to know what happened. I needed to know why he was taken from us. And so, we procured and intended to pay for our own autopsy. The team that did the autopsy found some incidental small things, but nothing that would have caused his death. He was a healthy young man with no real medical issues and no drugs in his system. Samples of his blood and tissue were kept for genetic testing and for the future when better testing could be done. Now,five years later, the University of Virginia, the Mayo Clinic and others have completed studies and still found nothing. The theory is that his otherwise healthy heart simply developed a sudden abnormal rhythm and that this was fatal. Since that time, I have met other people who have lost children and teens to Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome (SADS).
I know that others tell you that learning all that can be learned about your son's death won't bring him back, and I know it won't. It's just that to you and I, we need to understand what is left and why our sons were taken from us. It's part of the processing of what defies processing to us.
I know that your Lucas and my Daniel are home safely and that eventually we will see them again, but it takes a long time to find meaning in your life again, even if both of us do have other wonderful children who need us too.
Be good to yourself, and be good to your children. Eventually we move through grief but it can't be rushed.
Best wishes.
www.learnedfromdaniel.blogspot.com
Lara, you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you and wondered how you were. How difficult it is to watch life march on, while what you want to do is march the other way, back in time. I have learned this: the pain and grief do not go away. We learn to live with these companions. It is the good memories, the happy times, the loving photos, that give us the strength and the will to carry on. No one who has not been on this path knows what I mean, but I know you do. Sending prayers and hope for brighter days for you, Lara.
ReplyDeleteLaura, I have missed you so much. I feel like I know you. I was so happy to see that you are posting again. I kept checking and was very sad when you stopped. I feel that the Lord has given you a great talent of writing. I for one, and I'm sure there are many, enjoy your posting. I pray for you every day. I know your son would want you to go on. You will never never never forget him, but, you will learn to live with the pain. Remember the good times. Keep your children happy and try my friend to enjoy your life. I wish I could speak to you in person. Please keep up the writing. Love you
ReplyDelete