Thursday, September 15, 2011


This week the bank called so tell my husband they needed to get the settlement started on his loan. I told my husband I believe I need a lawyer before signing the paper work. First of all I was told I would in no way be involved with his loan when he applied. So much for that lie. He had told me he did not know I would have to sign days ago when the bank called and I over heard his conversation. Of course I wanted to know why he said his nearest relative was his mother why he asked me her phone number. It is his mother not mine. He should know her phone number. I heard him ask (she wont be obligated to pay the loan will she?) After he hung up I had questions. Why would his mother be or not be obligated to pay the loan. His answer was they meant you. I was to have nothing to do with this loan. Shouldnt I be his nearest relative?. We have been married 15 years. Of course I had my concerns that the bank would have a right to my gazebo & other structures I have paid for & have placed on his property. I had concerns about if he did not pay the loan or would die before he paid it off. He is much older than I. He made an appointment to go over the loan papers. I told him I would be asking questions. Of course he got mad. He told me I better not screw things up for him. I left him know I felt I should not believe he or the bank that neither of them were an attorney & I believe I should talk to one before I sign the paper. Well my mother got the blame for advising me. Not so.

We went to the appointment. I watched him sign one paper after another. A stack at least an inch thick. He is so desperate to get his bills paid he just signed and went to the next one without reading or asking questions. In my opinion he just made a deal with the devil. I know not literally but as an expression to describe what he did. The loan officer said he was finished. He then reminded her there was a paper I was to sign. Why did he even bring that up. He could have kept his mouth shut and left it go. She went to get the papers. When she came back I told her I had question. I voiced one and she explained I would not be obligated to pay the loan off if he did not. I asked what if for some unfortunate reason he dies would I have to pay it off? I was told no. She said because I am his wife I have a legal right to his property even if my name is not on the deed and by signing I was agreeing that the bank has the right to foreclose without my consent if my husband dose not pay the payments. I asked if a foreclosure came about would I have to leave the home & how long would I have to do so. I was told foreclosure takes a long time. I asked just how long would I have. I was told three months . To me thats not a long time. I asked if he unfortunately died could I pay the loan off myself at he pay off cost or would they put it in real estate & I would have to pay market price. I was told I could continue to pay on the loan monthly or pay it off & the house would not be sold. It would be mine. My husband said see I told you. I said I think you are forgetting to tell her you have a pre nump that excludes me from the house if you die. Well he was really mad. He told me that did not matter if I did sign. I left him know she said that there is only a three day period to withdraw after signing & on the fourth day it would be to late for me if my things were not protected. The loan officer spoke up & said I was correct. She also said I would be protected by his will. Of course he kept his mouth shut again. I spoke up and commented that your will was made years before we were together & was never changed( His mother & son from his first marriage are the only ones in it. The loan officer advised he should really make a new one & have things changed to protect me and that I could use his life insurance to pay off both loans. I left her know I am not the beneficiary. She advised I should be. He asked if he could name the bank as beneficiary to his life insurance policy to pay off the house (he refused to take out the life insurance or disability insurance the bank offered). She said it could be set up. That really lets the bank know how much he dose not trust me. The bank has no idea he has took two loans out of the life insurance policy since he bought the mustang & is paying two loan payment a month on it. She said she would set up an appointment at the bank for him with an adviser who could arrange all this & even point out things he may not think of to protect me. He ask if he could just go to the main bank & set the appointment up himself. She said yes & gave him the advisors business card. He will never make that appointment. He just needed to look good in front of her. The loan officer told him it would be best for me to be present at that appointment & told me it would be best if I speak with an attorney before signing because she is not a lawyer. He is not a happy camper. Neither am I by this time. That fine line between Love & Hate is so thin & fraying by the second. I wondered why & how the bank would even consider a loan for him. Well between what he owes on the house & the amount he is trying to borrow is less than what the house is worth. If you ask me the bank knows they will foreclose sooner or later & make money off of the property. I am sure they do not loan money to not make money. I am sure they are looking out for their own interest. They have no idea he charged a few hundred dollars for a vet bill for his precious dog last week or that he got a cash advance of a couple thousand dollars on another charge card last week. His head will get above water but this vicious cycle will continue. It already has. it always dose with every loan. Who in there right mind borrows money to pay off charge cards then charges on them before the bank has settled & payed them off. To top it off he says he would not make me his beneficiary to his life insurance policy because I would just move some low life into his house. I asked if he preferred to keep his oldest son as a beneficiary who would not pay the house off but just use it to snort his cocaine or shoot up his heroin. He left me know if he did that instead of starting his own business then it was his loss & at least I would not have the property. He thinks our boys will just blow it. Two years ago he removed my daughter & I only leaving biological children as beneficiaries. I found this out after looking through his mail. He even suggested today he could name his dog as the beneficiary for the dogs life time care. I told him it was sick to think more of his dog than his wife & kids. He left me know his dog is his friend & the kids can take care of them selves & my kids / our kids would never amount to anything & I can find another man to take care of me. I noticed he excluded his first son from his previous marriage. For the life of me I can not see how he turned out to amount to so much. The kids & I have always been the second family he believes he was tied down to. His first wife was unfaithful to him. To the point he was not sure the son they had was even his. He left her walk away with the trailer car money & child. She sold his things at a yard sale. I have always been faithful loving & forgiving. But I get the punishment. This x wife of 32 years called a few weeks ago. I answered knowing the caller id was her. After I said hellow there was silence for awhile then is Cheryl there. She must think I am stupid. I said no this is Lara. I called her twice with in 30minutes making sure I unblocked the phone number so my husbands name would come up on her caller id. Neither time did she answer her phone. A few hours later my step son called & said he no longer needed me to watch his son the next day & that his girlfriend was going to use an old baby sitter. My husband has pushed me to far. I am going to an attorney. I could care less if his bills get paid off. I will also be having a will made. I will not leave him any rights to any of what is mine after all of this. My four biological children will be the ones it will all go to. He forgets his pre nump protects my property Pap & Gram left me. When he required that any inheritance one receives would be the soul keeper of it & there children would only have rights to it. He believed he would inherit his mothers property because his stepfather wanted him to have the home place. He died a year after we were married. He did not get the property & his mother has deeded acreage to one grand child. His nephew. He believes the house will go to his two half brothers. He was so sure I would never receive an inheritance. I really never expected to myself but I did when Pap passed. He cut his own nose off to spite himself. He has hurt my daughter beyond forgiveness. He no longer refers to her as his daughter but a step daughter. I keep reminding myself what he sews he will reap. But just how long will it take? I can not help but wish he would loose his precious dog & mustang. Really he dose not deserve to even have a home either. This new loan would not be paid off for ten years. By then if he lives he will be close to 70 years old. He told me I should not count on out living him. To think I thought marring an older man would be safer & he would be mature & wise. I am more determined to secure that log home for the kids and I.


  1. this is probably a stupid question, but, why do you stay with this man? he doesn't seem to be very nice to you at all. I would go to a lawyer and have a chat for sure.
    I hope things get better for you.

  2. I'm with Kat. You're gonna have to grow a set and make sure you and your kids are safe. Get an attorney! Protect yourself. Sign NOTHING without a lawyers approval. Get out of this marriage. Get out of his home. Do it now. For your safety and sanity. Get a no-contact order. Go and don't look back. He has problems you cannot fix and he is NOT able to help you at all. Stay clear of ex-wives and step-children. They can only cause you more grief. Your children need you whole and healthy. Aren't you tired of the drama?
    Sorry-don't mean to be harsh but it doesn't sound like there is anything there to salvage.
    Warmest autumn blessings,

  3. Hi...I hate to be rude also, but I come here all the time and read what this horriable man does and says to you and your children, and yet you con't. to stay and take the abuse and let him hurt your children "beyond forgiveness"(Your words not mine)..yet you still stay. What kind of example are you setting for your children, and what kind of home life are you giving them? People have offered you there homes, including your mom....and in this day and age there are people and programs and agencies to help you get out...and yet you con't to stay. I just do not understand, and I guess I never will. I will keep you in my prayers in hopes that one day you will find the courage to get out before it's to late....I am sorry If I offended you....But I just cannot sit by any longer and not ask "WHY"?????

  4. I have been praying for you. I know that you have had a hard life, don't need us beating up on you as well. With that said, you need to talk to a lawyer and get out while you still have a little dignity. The others are right, you are teaching a lesson to your children- how it is ok to be treated. Very sad situation. I will continue to pray. Please feel safe to express your self here. It is good therapy for you. Blessings ~Sara

  5. Lara, I, too, hope you find the strength to leave this situation.... it is not healthy for anyone involved. My prayers are with you and your children.

  6. Good morning Lara, since I posted on your blog last night it has been bothering me....If I have given you the impression that I was beating you up with my comment that I left...I am "TRULY SORRY" as that was not my intent. You have every right to vent...and it is your choice as to how you choose to live your life for you and your children and it is not my place to judge. It's just for the life of me...I do not understand. I will con't to keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and again I am very sorry if I offended you...or hurt you in anyway. Hugs Mary

  7. Lara - You know we are all lifting you up in prayer - and your children as well. Your situation comes to mind so often during my days, and it weighs heavy on me. I can only imagine what your burden feels like. You know my thoughts from my previous comments. I think somewhere along the line I said I thought your first step was to determine whether you thought this relationship was salvageable and that would guide your next steps....that and prayer of course. It seems that you've found the answer to that question. Now you need to find the courage and strength to take that next step. It will be hard since you are probably still trying to "accept" the first step. But truly, once that first question is resolved, you cannot waver on it - you need the clarity of thought to go forward. You need to be whole - for your self and your children. I continue to pray for you - and for strength and direction and guidance. Take good care....Hugs ~ Robin

  8. Lara,
    I do often think of you, and I too wonder why you continue to put up with this man~ and he isn't even a man in my opinion. He's a coward, and a manipulator!
    No one deserves to be treated that way! That is not how God intends a marriage to be. I would heed the advice given, get an attorney, protect yourself and those children, and I also wouldn't be signing anything for him.
    I would cut my losses, and move on. He isn't worth the heartache he causes. I am so sorry for you, but you need to let go, and get busy living! Hugs,

  9. Girl, listen to your friends here. Get the hell out of there, even if it is mom's basement for the duration. Be sure to get that will done and don't tell him until after you do it!
    Getting out will give you breathing room to get your head together and find your real life. Let him rot on his property.
    No matter how badly a person wants the divorce, it is never easy. But after a short time, you find things will be so much better! And you at least have some property to help you start up again! Blessings to you!

  10. Lara
    I am sending you a hug with my thoughts & prayers ~

  11. Making the choice to leave is not an easy one. Granted I was the one who stayed and he left. I had the question of can I make it on my own? He made me feel as if I was nothing and could not get along without him. He too was a manipulator. I know that "A Christian woman does not get divorced." But you know what God is forgiving. But from personal circumstances some people at church do not. Like everyone else has said you need to seek legal advice.

  12. Go Lara and get a lawyer, give him/her your blog and tell them your situation. For your safety. I don't want to one day see your story on one of those tv programs of your murder. Leave him so far behind, he'll be spinning in the wind. You are worth more and deserve more.