Seven Months

Long seven months be, Pain to much to bare, Unending shed tears, Can hardly move, Heart still beats, Part of me has died, Questions never fade, Questions beg the answers, Unlock the silence, Set the answers free, Holder of the key. Sunday 2/10/13 marked the seventh month since my son was killed. I still don't have the answers to many of my questions. Silence has been kept by those who could answer but they either say they don't know or they can't remember. I continue to write how I fill in a journal. The two survivors 18 and over. I have gotten to read some of the statement's given to the police. After reading I found that what I felt in my heart all along was right.. What I was told by one of the survivors dose not match there statement to the police. My son took those two up to the dead driver's home after the girl threatened my son with "she would take his key's and drive her X boyfriend up there. The girl was dating my son and the boy was her X boyfriend. They were there no more than 5 minutes before the X boyfriend got into an argument with the boy who was the driver that was dating my daughter over him & my daughter not giving him a ride earlier in the day to get to the drivers house where the X had been crashing. An argument over my daughter not having enough gas in her car to come pick him up started this all. I was told the X said "I'm out of here and threatened to kill himself. This X had already threatened to kill himself two other times because he couldn't get the girl back and just wanted to be with his best friend who had been killed 4 years ago. Another girl had found the X on a bridge threatening to jump from the bridge on to the Pa turnpike. She talked him down and days later he did it again and the driver who was dating my daughter talked him down that time. I find this all out after my sons death. I was told after the X went out the door my son realized this girl was gone. She went after her X then my son went after her. The driver then went after them all in my daughters car. When my daughter came out of the bathroom the drivers brother was the only one there other than the mother who told the cop she was asleep until she was awakened by the drivers (her son) brother asking for keys to go look for everyone. My daughter and the drivers brother left to look for the others after a text from another girl who knew my son was taking his girlfriend and the X to the drivers home after she heard there was an accident on a monitor. They were stopped at a road block. The brother an under age driver left my daughter there to go get his mother out of bed. My daughter was asked to give information to the emergency crew. She saw her brothers girlfriend and her X removed from the car and loaded in helicopters. She was told her brother and boyfriend were still moving. They lied to her. When I got there the cop held me back from going to my son. I was told he and the driver were both dead. My screams rang out my husband had not been told by the other cop. When he came to me I told him our son was dead. He said who told you that. I fell to the road. I could not move even when I tried. The emergency team and cop told me to just be still. I saw my daughter crouched on the ground in the field screaming. I crawled to her. I had to tell her they were not coming out that they were both dead. She was hysterical. I wrapped my arms and legs around her on the ground trying to keep her from going to the car. Her unreal strength I could not hold. She broke free and was knocked to the ground by the cop who threatened to arrest her. I ran deep into the field screaming. The drivers brother ran after me holding me. He was hurting to. He lost his brother. We were told we had to leave before they could remove my son's and the driver bodies from the car. My daughter and I were loaded into an ambulance then in route to the hospital My husband was being driven home to our youngest son by a member of the fire company. In October the cop came with an incomplete police report to my home. I was given the information the driver tested for weed & alcohol. I and my husband were to come to the police station to go over the report when we could. For me my son was killed over a stupid girls love triangle her X's suicide threats and a drunk high driver speeding with no license and not enough gas and a mother who knew she had a problem if she had to keep count of beer. None of it was worth my son getting killed. I read in the police report the drivers mother stated her son should not have been driving because when he gets angry he has a heavy foot and drives fast and he was stupid for driving drunk. She stated she went home and counted the cans of beer in her fridge after having one her self but told the cop she didn't know where her son got the alcohol. She was the only one of us at the crash scene not showing any emotion just smoking a cigarette. When my daughter got released from the hospital she went up to her boyfriends home to help plan his funeral. The day before my sons viewing the same day of the drivers funeral the drivers mother called me to come get my daughter she was in shock and they needed to get to her sons funeral. I found my daughter naked in the shower cuts on her arms & legs (from visiting the crash site earlier in the day after I was told she would not be left alone while there, I had tried to get her to come home the night before. Told I could do nothing to get her out of there because she was over 18) her eye was swollen black and blue. Her eyeball was pure red and bleeding out. Her mouth was foaming. I asked that mother if my daughter took something? I was told no. I got out of my daughter she had taken pills and drank beer and fell down the steps. The mother sent her son to count the beers in the frig. This family was getting ready to attend her sons funeral and they were setting around smoking and drinking. I asked for an ambulance to be called. My daughter was carried to the ambulance by a cop. This was her second trip to the hospital by ambulance that week then transferred by ambulance to another hospital. She missed her boyfriends funeral. I got her out of the hospital just a few hours before seeing my son for the first time after his death then picked up my daughter and went to my sons viewing. I have been told by the cop the investigation will be being closed soon. Every thing I told him I found out was considered here say and no action would be taken. You cant charge a dead driver and no proof were the weed and alcohol came from. I have kept this all bottled up for so many months. I asked my husband why should I have to keep my mouth shut when asked what happened to my son. He said who says you have to? All those people continue on as if nothing ever happened and I've got remarks from people saying what will it matter if you get answers to your questions it wont change that your sons dead. Other remarks were shit happens that's life and get over it I don't know what the big deal is. I add to the list of reasons my son is dead. The mother must have had a problem if she has to keep a count of the beer in her frig. The morning of my sons funeral my husband took me to that woman's home to get my daughters dog that was tied out in the hot sun with a chain twisted to the point the dog could not move. While getting my daughters pocketbook and things while the mothers other son helped me while the mother talked to my husband I got a huge shock. Empty beer cartons piled high to be burnt in the back yard. Empty beer cans all around inside and outside the house. A well stocked step like shelf of whiskey and wine in the kitchen. Might as well been a bar room. My sons girlfriends pocketbook and bags of her belongings and clothes along with the her X's bag of clothes. My son took nothing up there only the socks and shoes on his feet and his shorts and a hat on his head. He didn't even wear a shirt. I honestly believe she was dumping my son for her X and used my son for a ride for her and her X. I have been told while my son was at work his girlfriend and her X spent the night shooting shots and she was just using my son to make her X jealous. None of this was worth my sons life. I think he gave into the girlfriends threat because he knew I would be mad if I found out she took his truck. (she had no license either, my two kids were the only ones with license and vehicles) No one understands how this makes me fill. The girl and her X got back together after they were released from hospitals. The girl can not walk. The girl got a ring for Christmas from the boy. This just makes me sick. I needed to get this out. A lot can happen in just 5 minutes and two weeks. My son and daughter had only been dating these people for 2 week. I made my kids stay on there drivers permits for a year to be sure they had experience before getting their license's. I helped find them vehicles that they paid for along with repairs up keep and insurance. All so they would have driving experience and wouldn't be in a vehicle with little to no driving experience. I tried do every thing right.