Monday, July 25, 2011

Tomato & Cucumber Bed Dug Up

I made two beds to plant tomato & cucumbers in weeks ago. I planted the cucumber seeds & waited for them to grow large enough to plant them in the new beds. I purchased some tomato plants at Lowes & a neighbor gave me some more tomato plants he grew from seed in a cold flat. Tomatoes were on the vines & ripening. So tickled I was. Until this past Sunday when the dog from hell dug in them. My husband assured me he would watch his dog & he would not dig in the new beds. I heard digging noise from the dining room windows. I looked out & that dog was digging in the flower bed under the windows. I ran outside to get him out. Before I got there he had already dug a hole & layed on the balloon flowers & a day lily. The day lily is broken over. My husband laughed about it & said he is hot. I was very hurt. I spend hours each day caring for the gardens. Later I discovered the dog had dug in the new beds. After weeks of tending these plants it sickened me. My husband blamed it on the cats saying I did not see the dog do it. This turned into a blow up from my husband ending with him accusing me of hurting his dog, threatening to have me arrested & telling me he hoped the dog killed everything I have planted then telling me he dose not love me & he wants a divorce. Needless to say the dog has the plants now. I threw them where he is tied today. What was the point of waiting for him to kill them all? There will be no pickles to can or fresh tomatoes to slice. I can not understand why God would allow someone to think more of a pet than his kids & wife. This dog never dose any wrong in my husbands eyes. We can not even have cookouts & eat in the gazebo when my husband is home because he says we are teasing his dog & hurting its feelings. The gazebo has become a glorified dog house to his dog. When our teens have stayed out all night my husband has layed his head on his pillow & went sound asleep as I wait, call or look for them. When my husbands dog runs off he is in the vehicle searching or walking to find his dog. Today I am not sure how much longer my kids & I will have a roof over our heads. Not only has my husband reminded me once again that it is his house & property but the bank will not approve him another loan. Months ago he had to have a new mustang at any cost. Writing a bad check to the dealership with my name on it (which I made good to keep my credit from being ruined) to writing out a bad check for the first car payment (the bank covered it & charged a fee to our checking account). He has now got to the point there is no more money to juggle or loans to be had. Of course the car payments are mailed on time & the phone calls to the finance company & sweating starts with him hoping the check is not cashed before his paycheck is deposited that week. The teens have been staying away with friends while he is home on weekends. He spent his weekend sitting in a chair in the yard with his dog & the garden hose while misting himself & his dog. He will not allow a/c at all. It has been 85 to 95 inside the homestead this past week. I was told he would never allow a/c because he did not want me to be cool. Yet the dog has his own pool to keep cool & my fish pond is in need of water. But as he said it is his water. He took the time to jump from his chair to throw a rock at one of the cats for batting its paw at a butterfly. When this did not work he chased the cat into my rock bed while stepping on the flowers & kicking the side of a bush. My prayers for him are dried up & I am to the point I have almost completely lost my faith. I have very little income & health issues that cause me to be unemployed. It is getting harder to get up each day & put on the happy face & start over. I need God to provide a way for my kids & I. The older kids have returned home today since he has went to work. Children should feel welcome in what should be there home. There friends are not welcomed by my husband. He dose not want them inside his house or in his basement for fear they may steal his tools. In the months they have had friends over nothing has been damaged or stolen. I find it strange that my husband wants to have a camp meeting in the field & have port a potties set up. He wants to have a youth minister come in & open the field to youth to camp out the month of August but has no way to pay for it. He believes God will provide the cash for this if it is to be. It should not shock me that he wants to reach the lost of other surrounding communities I guess. They dont really know him. He has no burden for his own children or their friends. There is a mission field in his own home he is not burdened for. My head is spinning with all this & the fact I really do not know who my husband is anymore. He has assured me once I am removed from his life he can be a christian & do the work of the lord. For me I just dont believe this is of God. I am in no way a perfect person but this is so off the wall. For now we are still here & he says he just dose not have the money to divorce me. He saw an ad for cheap divorces. To eliminate this excuse I went & borrowed the amount & told him to go get it & when he provided me with a receipt I would give him the cash. The next excuse was I am not sure it would be legal. He wants me to go to a divorce attorney with him Friday to start the divorce on my birthday. In his opinion what better time to do it.


  1. Your situation is not good. I will be praying for you. Please do not lose faith in our God! Your husband is not acting as God would want him to. Sounds like he's being the complete opposite of a Godly man. I know you are having a very hard time, and I wish I could do more than just pray. I don't know you, but my heart is with you.


  2. I am sending prayers for you and everyone in your home. Keep faith in the Good Lord, your children and yourself.

  3. I am so sorry for all that you are going through at this point in your life.I will say that your husband is a troubled man.God is good and fair ,this is not the way it is supposed to be in a marriage.Do not give up on your faith.It may sound cruel but if this the way your husband is treating you then if he does file for divorce on your birthday then you should consider it a gift.You and your children deserve happiness.Please know that I mean no offense ,I just say it how I see it .If you need to talk then feel free to email me.Big hugs !My thoughts and prayers are with you.Hugs,Jen

  4. How terrible! But if my husband ever talked or acted like that toward me it would be see-ya!
    A support group would be helpful.
    Be safe!

  5. I am so sorry to hear about this..I say if he is treating you or your animals like need to be rid of dad did similar things when we were kids..his dogs were treated like gold and sat at the kitchen table..and we didn't have friends over because of his temper..very embarassing to say the least...we had one dog that would bite us..and he said it was protecting biting us..before he died..he realized that his family was more important to him and loved him..but those dogs could do no wrong...when he died..they got rid of all of them..I was not living in utah any more..or I would have taken some of the dogs..that really made me mad..but what can you do..I hope things work out for you and that you can be happy and healthy again..and that there is no fear..

  6. My heart goes out to you and I'm sending hugs. I was so sad when reading this tonight it's not how a marriage should be. I am praying for you. Is there someone you could move in with? You deserve better than this. I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best.


  7. Lara ... My prayers are with you & you children. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I agree with the other posts ... a husband should not be treating his wife & family like this. There is no excuse. Don't lose faith in God. If you have a woman's shelter in your area, talk with them & ask if they can provide you with the name of a divorce attorney who will base their fee on your income level. Your husband sounds unstable. I hope I've not offended you. Blessings, Shirlee

  8. Ok....I will say now what I kept to myself in my last comment. Rid yourself of this. Neither you, nor any other human being deserves such treatment. I know it is difficult to leave your home, and children complicate things....but at least seek legal advice - do not give him the money for an attorney - use it yourself. Perhaps there is a way where you can stay in the home and he will be made to leave. Do you have Judicare where you live? (It's a free legal assistance program....) Otherwise, there are several pro bono attorney services available. If that fails, you can always file for a pro se (or "do-it-yourself") divorce - all you need to pay for there are the filing fees (usually less than $100...) You are hurting and hurt - and how can you possibly be the mother and person you need to be when that is going on inside? Sorry if I speak too boldly - I am a Christian - and I believe in "choose thy love; love thy choice" and that too many folk do not work hard enough at marriage these days...but there are times when even God would agree that separate is better I think. If that is not your choice, have you considered counseling through your church? Perhaps your minister/pastor/priest needs to see the full picture here? Wishing you peace, comfort, and resolution....My prayers are with you....Robin

  9. Lara, The Cranky Crow is right ~ you don't deserve this and you shouldn't put your children through this either.
    I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.
    Will be thinking about you.

  10. Lara
    My many thoughts & prayers are with you~

  11. Lara, so sorry to hear the troubles you are having..... continued prayers for you and your family.

  12. So sorry to hear you are dealing with this kind of person. My thoughts are with you and I hope you get out from under this man. A new start with your children may be the answer to your prayers. I know it can be hard financially, but he will have to help support the children and you sound like you are very handy and frugal. I wish you the best of luck. No person should have to live with someone who talks down to them constantly.

  13. I believe he is trying to get you to leave your home, then he can blame it on you. I agree, do not give him any money. I would first speak with your pastor and make him aware that you two need help. My husband made my life and my children's lives a living hell for a while while he went through a mid life crisis and then after moving out for 3 months wanted to come home. I did not try to contact him at all and the kids would have nothing to do with him because of the way he had treated them. I won't say it is perfect now, but it is much much better and I believe he had to be away to see what he was losing. Are you sure there isn't another woman? Many, many times that is the situation.

  14. Hi Lara, I'm again, very sorry for what you are going through. I do think the boundaries book will help you. That way you are not always the giver. At the very least, you can eliminate some of the fuel he is using.

    Counseling would be critical in your situation. You need an objective person to help you guys. Perhaps you just need to go alone. If even one person gets well, it can change the whole dynamic.

    Praying for you.

    Donna @ Comin' Home

  15. Wow. You're going through a lot right now. I'll be praying for you.